Miscarriage: You don’t have to Suffer Alone

Stesha Uncategorized Leave a Comment

Miscarriage.
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It doesn’t matter if it happens at 4 weeks or 20. It’s one of the most heart wrenching thing a mother-to-be can go through.

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When I announced that we were pregnant so early, I knew there was a risk to that – I wasn’t being naive.

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Anything could go wrong that early, nothing is certain. Hell nothing is certain at 20 weeks, either.

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But I knew that if something like this were to happen, it would be an opportunity to talk about it in the open – this is just another topic women go through on their own, behind closed doors, and in secret.

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But why is it taboo to talk about miscarriages in public?

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Conventional wisdom and societal norms put pressure on women to wait until they pass the 12 week mark, when the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically, to announce their pregnancies to the world.

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But I’m challenging that conventional wisdom. I think holding in your joy (or sorrow) is a huge problem.

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A whopping 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage…surprised? Yep, that’s because no one talks about it.

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Ladies, you don’t have to keep your pregnancies and miscarriages hidden away. One of the joys of being human is to be able to share our experiences and support with each other, is it not? This should not be something that we have to hide or feel ashamed of.

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And sure, it’s easy for me to sound brave and courageous on paper, but don’t get me wrong, it was still the hardest thing I’ve experienced and then having to tell people about it was the cherry on top. I felt like I made a mistake…like there was something wrong with my body…and I felt bad for burdening people with the bad news.

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In the past I would have used logic to get through a time like this. Thinking, well it was only 5 weeks, it’s not even a ‘baby’ yet, how bad could the loss really be?”

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But even at 5 weeks you are already planning, hoping, and dreaming. You are buying all the books, conversing with all the other mamma-to-bes and filling yourself full of happiness, and wonder. Then in one moment, it all disappears like sand through clenched fists. You’re left with guilt and gut-wrenching sadness. I cried uncontrollably all day, barely slept, and then waited – as only time could heal.

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So I get it, sharing the news about pregnancy is incredibly personal, but miscarriages shouldn’t be a secret. It’s a fact of life that affects nearly everyone and we have the right to share with people, should it ever happen to you. Miscarriages happen for reasons out of our control – it’s NOT your fault – it’s likely due to our bodies recognizing that something isn’t right – it’s protecting you. It’s quite amazing if you really think about it.

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Like any woman’s path to motherhood, mine took an unexpected turn. We need to be ready to support each other with open arms, no matter what the outcome, and give us the grace to talk about our experiences on our own terms.I have no regrets sharing the news of both our experiences: one of joy and one of sorrow… I was held and comforted and supported by my closest friends and family – the experience grew our trust and relationships even deeper than before. And they gave me hope – I love you guys!

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To all the mammas out there who have experienced their own version of this story, I hear you, support you, and welcome you to reach out. We’re all in this together.

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Much love, Stesha

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